why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
