Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
