I looked at my own cervix.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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