woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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