the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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