why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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