thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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