I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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