Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
