Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
