If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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