He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
