She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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