hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
