All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
