I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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