Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
