Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
