I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
