Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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