so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
