On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
