If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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