dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
