i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
