Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
