So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
