I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
