so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
