Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
