If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
