Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
