I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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