dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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