I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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