WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Text me some of your sweat
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