i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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