I got chris browned last night
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i drank out of a bidet.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
