And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
