remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize