I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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