I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
