he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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