ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
