I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
