idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
