Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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