mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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