i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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