I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
