i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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