is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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