i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
