NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
