I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
