Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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