His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
