I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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