Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
