jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
