I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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