I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
