What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i will never coherently bang her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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