I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
