I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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