bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
