I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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