Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
