aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
