yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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