The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
