also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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