I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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