someone get that fucking seahorse.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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