is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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