Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just found a bag of teeth...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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