Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
