boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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