isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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