I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
