Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
