Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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