my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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