you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
