I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
