I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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