Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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