he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
