His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
