i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
