Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry about my life...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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