Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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